I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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