the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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