matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
