just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
