i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
