meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
