I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
