i already hear my dad disowning me
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
