I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
