if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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