So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
