So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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