At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
