It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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