I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
