my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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