someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
