I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
