he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
