Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
