last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
