I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
