I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
