what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
