In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
