I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
