Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
