I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
