At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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