apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
