i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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