Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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