So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
