I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
