wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
