Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
