wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
