It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
