so that wasnt chicken after all
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
