i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
