if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
