I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
