honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
