I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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