dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
