Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
