Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
