i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
