I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
