so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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