he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
