careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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