YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
