Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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