There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
