we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
